Paula Deen probably expected a bad review or two for her Paula  Deen & Family 2013 Caribbean Cruise ... but she probably didn't count on her  own assistant trashing it on Twitter!

Brandon Branch  -- who identifies himself as Deen's assistant on Twitter -- was aboard the  cruise when it set sail on January 27 and immediately began piling on the  insults, tweeting out, "This is a floating nursing home!!!!"

He followed  that up seven minutes later with, "My room is also the size of my powder room at  home. And no liquor in minibar! I am in a dark place!!!!"

Branch then  started tweeting a friend, asking him to "get in the invisible plane and rescue  me! I am in position! Lower the rope!!!!! You should be here with us! Everyone  is 80 and up!"

Branch eventually stopped and didn't tweet again until  yesterday ... with a whole new disposition: "Having a fabo lunch at El Cid  resort! I have always loved Mexico!! One more day at sea then home. Been so much  fun!"

Looks like someone drank the deep fried Kool-Aid.


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